I was reading some old blog posts from a blog I had in high school, and wow, talk about a blast from the past. I continued it through my first year in college wherein I basically chronicled everything my friends and I did at the time. I forgot how much I used to party, and my grammar was awful. I have since learned the art of proofreading.
I noticed I used to have posts where I would just include a link or a short passage of my thoughts. The emotion was so raw, it was like the journal I keep physically. At first, it frightened me. I thought that I had lost the ability to draw from pure emotion, but I have thought about it and determined that I am just able to filter my thoughts and emotions before they are put down on the page.
Still, it was “cute” to see myself having fun adventuring through their last years of high school and first year of college. As I look toward my last semester in the fall, I think it is amazing how far I’ve come.
My grandmother sent me a book for my birthday which happens to be tomorrow. It is a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird that was published in 1960. Granted, it is worn and obviously used… it says
This book is the property of: Beth & Gwen Callahan
inside of the cover. But, I am so excited about it. I almost cried.
I have flipped through the pages a few times just to smell the age. A dusty, moldy smell drifts up like it has been sitting in an attic for forty years. I don’t have an explanation as to why I love this smell so much. In fact, I don’t have an explanation as to why it invoked so much emotion either. To Kill a Mockingbird is not one of my all time favorite books. Perhaps, it is because my grandmother sent it to me and through the book, I also feel my mother’s energy because it is her favorite book. Yes, that must be it. But, there is something more.When I sat down to shelve the book next to countless others, I felt the passion of writing rear its head inside of me. I felt my life path unfold itself in hours and hours of writing a heritage that has been passed down to me.
I never dreamed I’d find find my passion. Now that I have, I feel stuck; it isn’t that simple to pursue writing alone. I know it is what I am meant to do, but there is another calling inside of me that tells me I must make a difference in people’s lives by becoming something more than a writer which is why I am contemplating law.
It makes sense that maybe this is why I received this particular book. The content of the novel, the author’s life, and my own passion for writing combined brought me to near tears.